A Good Way To Deflate Jack's Ego
by bunsdarien
Summary: Coauthored with Chaff. Believe title says it all. Humorpreslash.ReadReview


**Title: A good way to Deflate Jack's Ego**

**Authors Chaff and Bunsdarien**

**Rating R: MATURE!**

Pairing: Jack/Daniel  
Category: Humour. Hurt/Comfort. Pre-Slash.  
Synopsis: I think the title says it all ;-)  
Warnings: Just bad language...and bad humour.  
This was originally written August 2004. Right after we went to the New Jersey Convention and Met Michael Shanks..  
"Drools. Feints' THUDS!"

**Notes; This was a story that ORIGINALLY was like 5 pages. It was suppose to be a challenge for the ALPHAGATE. **

**Don't worry about the blood, it's the next step in the healing process.. Something like that. I'm posting it here for ya all to read. **

**We left it for like MONTHS then decided to post this edited version. We have a few still on the back burner. One is like 2 years on the burner. Anyone interested in assisting.. email me. **

**Review please**

**Disclaimer: They're not ours, they're not yours. Get over it...although after meeting MS in person, that part is a bit harder for Dee and I.**

"Dammit Jack! When are you ever going to learn to keep your mouth shut and let me do my job! After all this time, I still get absolutely no respect from you! We come to these worlds to see if the inhabitants have anything of value we can trade for, and it's my JOB to gain their trust by socializ...STOP DOING THAT!"

Jack, having just been caught using his thumb and four fingers to mimic a mouth that wouldn't stop moving, while actually mouthing ' Blah...blah...blah', had the nerve to try to look innocent.

"Stop, what?" , the hand in question going quickly to scratch his head. "And you're right, it is your job, but these clowns obviously had nothing worth our time. There was no further need to sit there and try and make nice!"

"Yeah, but you didn't have to be rude. I'm sure there are things even you could learn from these cultures we're coming in contact with. Does everything always have to be 'you show me yours, and I'll show you mine?"

Jack stopped walking and turned to face Daniel. "What the HELL is that supposed to mean, 'even you?' I learn from these missions!"

"Yeah...like what?" Daniel challenged.

Teal'c and Carter stopped walking and turned to them at this point. Both obviously having the same thought:'Oh, this should be REAL good!'

"I learn stuff!" Jack repeated. "I um...well there was the time when..."

Well Jack..." Daniel glanced at his watch, "We only have twenty four hours for this mission. You want to get on with it?"

"Oh...you...little.." Jack started, but he caught sight of movement at the edge of the wooded area they left a few moments ago.

One of the disgruntled inhabitants was coming towards them aiming some sort of weapon in the direction of Jack.

Knowing full well Daniel stood between them, he reached for Daniel, who having followed Jack's line of vision, was drawing his sidearm in defense.

Teal'c, usually a step ahead of things, drew his zat and fired, putting an immediate end to the threat.

However...in Jack's attempt to pull Daniel to safety while drawing up his own weapon, he stumbled over a rock protruding from the dirt. This sent him backwards, and still having ahold of Daniel's jacket sleeve, proceded to pull the younger man down on top of him.

BANG

The sound caught Carter and Teal'c off guard. The two of them spun together towards the sound with their weapons still drawn, not knowing what to expect.

What they found was the Colonel and Daniel in a heap on ground. They were face to face, Daniel on top of Jack.

Teal'c was the first to reach them, but was reluctant to pull Daniel off Jack, not wanting to cause more damage if one of them was injured.

Sam came running over to them yelling, "Daniel...oh my God! Sir..can you hear me? Daniel!"

Daniel was staring into Jack's eyes. His own eyes were big as saucers. His mouth was wide open and he was starting to hyperventilate. Feeling some wetness, he figured either one of them was shot, or judging by the area that was wet...he pissed his pants.

As he pushed himself off Jack and no pain shot through him, he realized he was not the one that was injured. "OUCH!", Jack yelled as Daniel moved off him.

Looking down between their bodies, he saw the blood soaking through Jack's pants. "Oh Christ!...I shot you! Jack?"

When the shock wore off, Jack roared, "GOD DAMN IT DANIEL!. You fucking SHOT me?" He leaned up on his elbows to look down and assess the damage. 'Yep..just the way it feels..shot in the balls!'

Jack glared at Daniel. "You shot me in the fucking balls!" "It figures something like this would happen!" He starts mumbling, "Just my friggin' luck. Not surprised though. The little son-of-a-bitch shoots me. CAN'T kill me...oh no! He makes me into a fucking eunuch!"

He shoved his hand down his pants to take inventory of what was left of his equipment and was shocked to find everything gloriously intact.

"Sir. Sir...let me check your wound!" Sam said reaching for the Colonel's pants.

He used his other hand to push her away. "Ah..no. No thank you Carter..."

Daniel edges closer to Jack, ready to give a hand to Carter if need be."Jack. You alright? Are you um...you still...packin'?"

Jack looked at him."For crying out loud, Daniel!" Jack hollered, "Yes I'm still packing! Hurts like a son of a bitch though. And bleeding a lot too." He pressed his hand firmly onto the torn flesh trying to lessen the flow of blood. "Missed the important parts. Got my inner thigh. DAMN close though!" The last part snarled accusingly at Daniel.

"Pay no attention to the blood O'Neill, It is the first step in the healing process." Teal'c added helpfully.

"Thanks a lot T. I think." Jack bitched.

"Sir," Carter said. "I really should check it out. You don't want it to get infected, do you?"

"Yeah, Jack...you REALLY don't want it getting infected.", Daniel said. Finishing with, "If you want, I'll help her out with it."

Shaking his head, "N.O.! What part of NO do you two not understand. Only someone with a medical degree is getting anywhere NEAR my wound. GOT IT!"

"Yes, Jack."

"Yes, Sir."

Teal'c stepped forward, and looked at O'Neill who was trying to tend his wound. "You are lucky, O'Neill. The damage could have been much worse. I, myself, would not have faired so well."

"For cryin' out loud, Teal'c. Still bleeding here. And anyway, my choice of undergarments are what saved me today. I'm wearing really snug briefs."

"Sure, Jack."

"Daniel!"

"Sir?"

"Major! Let's just get the hell out of here, please."

Teal'c and Daniel both grabbed ahold of Jack's arm, helping him back to the stargate. When they reached the other side, Hammond quickly summoned Dr. Frasier.

"Colonel?" Hammond and Fraiser both asked.

He looked at them. Then turned toward Daniel. "Sir, I will forever appreciate it, if we give Daniel a water gun from now on. I can deal with a wet stain. Been there, done that."

Teal'c and Daniel helped Jack onto the gourney that now awaited him. "OUCH! Could you two be a little more careful!

Daniel went along with Jack when he was wheeled to the infirmary. After the older man was put through the ringer by Janet, Daniel had a moment alone with him. "Jack...I am soooo sorry."

"Yeah..well you should be. Could have ruined me for life!"

"Ya know, I'd love the chance to make it up to you." This got Daniel a curious look. "I mean...you're going to need some help at home recovering, right?"

"Yeah..." Jack grinned, a brilliant idea forming. "You have a LOT to make up for and I know just how you can start repaying."

END


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